VS. 
Lifetime Batting Average:
Sosa .277
Keyes .000
Musical Taste
Sosa: Salsa on a loud boombox
Keyes: Rage Against the Machine in a mobile mosh pit
Clubhouse Behavior:
Sosa: Leaves the grounds before the last game
Keyes: everyone wishes he’d leave before the game–OR AFTER
Fieldling:
Sosa: Managers say a prayer when the ball heads his way, Sosa blames the Sun
Keyes: Party Leaders Hide behind plants, He biffs a softball question just so he can blame the media
Presidential View:
Bush actuall misses Sosa
Obama wishes they could all be that easy
How History will treat them in Chicago:
Sosa: He’s no Mark Grace
Keyes: He’s still here?
Just leave.
Future Living Arrangements
Sosa: Moving to Maryland
Keyes: Really should move back to Maryland