Writing the Kicker

ArchPundit November 4, 2004 27 Comments

Tribs story on the Keyes debacle and recriminations ends with this:

Privately, some Republicans were blaming Keyes’ presence near the top of the ballot for Crane’s defeat. But state Sen. Dave Syverson of Rockford, a state Central Committee member instrumental in bringing Keyes to Illinois, said he doesn’t think Keyes hurt the party.

McKenna appears to be headed for Party Head which is probably not a bad choice.

Mazullo gets the problem with Keyes at least.

U.S. Rep. Don Manzullo, the Republican from northwestern Illinois who played an instrumental role in importing Keyes, quietly apologized to fellow Republican members of the Illinois congressional delegation in recent weeks, according to GOP sources.

Keyes Rant

ArchPundit November 4, 2004 8 Comments

Watch the Keyes Explosion in all of his glory. Now that the race is over, all Keyes goes to the ICFST category–Illinois Circular Firing Squad Team.

Let me get this straight–the man who lost by historic margins is going to save the Republican Party?

Freep the Leader Poll

ArchPundit October 26, 2004 6 Comments

Bean is only behind by about 10%—on the Leader. Have fun with them.

Holy Unhinged Batman

ArchPundit October 26, 2004 8 Comments

Jill Stanek was off her rocker last week, but this week, she’s in need of some professional help.

Almost 32 years ago these gods decreed themselves the right to abort the very young people they now demand pay for their Alaskan cruises and bingo games, if they somehow managed to survive. Incredible.

If I were a person born after January 22, 1973, I would say, ?Let them eat dog food.?

As more and more baby boomers reach retirement age, they will continue to reap what they have sown. They have already suctioned, dismembered, and decapitated their very own children, and by so doing decimated their own bodies, minds, and souls.

Now, another of their pitiful harvests will be the lack of young workers paying into the Social Security system. Approximately one-third of them have been aborted.

And it?s not just aborted children who will never pay Social Security. Some of their children would now be nearing entry-level work age, but they have been offed as well.

Abortion just doesn?t kill children; it kills family trees.

It gets better

My solution to alleviate the crisis is to add a couple questions to Social Security retirement registration forms.

The first would be, ?Are you pro-choice??

Applicants answering yes would have their SS benefits reduced by a sliding scale that multiplied the number of years they condoned abortion by the number of children aborted during those years.

The second question would be, ?Have you ever had an abortion?? for women, and ?Have you ever coerced your partner to abort or stood by silently as she made that ?choice??? for men.

Applicants answering yes to that question would have their SS benefits reduced by a sliding scale that multiplied the number of their abortions by the number of years ago they aborted.

But pro-choice seniors face more than financial woes. There is now also a critical shortage of health care workers, because they, too, been aborted.

Sends Shivers Down the Spine

ArchPundit October 25, 2004 1 Comment

The Trib editorializes on the sad state of the Illinois Republican Party. But none of that is too exciting, but this is:

Time is deceptively short. The next Illinois primary election is less than 17 months away.

The Weakly Joyce

ArchPundit October 10, 2004 No Comments

Community planning is really a grand global strategy to promote, grand global something bad.

Anyone who has seen me sit through a community planning process would be famililar with my annoyed look of trying not to be too annoyed with the consultant speak or not completely lose it with the off-topic rantings of local community gadflies. I now know why Joyce strikes such a chord.

They believe abortion, homosexuality and euthanasia are forms of population control

ArchPundit September 25, 2004 1 Comment

The weakly Joyce is special this week. We learn that homosexuality is population control.

I can’t work with this material because it is so over the top. I just have nothing.

Of course, the ironic comment of the column is here:

Christian congregations just follow along. They have no idea the roots of the environmental beliefs are Gaia based. They do not know the difference between being conservative stewards that God?s Word tells us to practice and the worship of the creation drawn from the pagan religions.

Of course, what is most odd about this is that Christmas is largely a replacement for pagan holidays. Most of us who practice Christianity understand this in relation to how religions develop in society and understand the celebration of Christ’s birth isn’t important in terms of getting the day right as much as the point and can understand and accept the historical context. In Joyce’s view of the world, this would be called a contradiction.

OneMan has fun with this one too…

My Fine Father Makes the Leader

ArchPundit September 9, 2004 8 Comments

I’m not kidding. Read Joyce now:

My friend reminded me about the time Larry Handlin, a boy who lived on a neighboring farm, my brother, and a few other teenage boys from our rural community found a frozen skunk on their way to school one morning that had been run over. Temptation overtook them, so they slipped the frozen skunk into the big assembly hall and placed it behind one of the steam registers.

I don?t have to explain what happened as the morning went on and the skunk thawed. The boys didn?t get by with their prank, and life was quite miserable for awhile. They had detentions at school, but there was no peace at home as the parents failed to express their good country humor over the incident. They were embarrassed their sons had done such a thing.

My father is a proud and partisan Democrat by the way. As is my grandmother who probably used the switch on him even though he was a senior in high school. My Great-Grandmother Black was also a partisan Democrat and I knew her well. And my Grandfather Handlin told the story with a smile many years later–also a proud New Deal Democrat. And let me just say, using my Father as evidence of how Christian values are important is a bit, um, let’s say bizarre given his views on organized religion.

He has confirmed the story. I am distantly related to Joyce. Oh shit.

a dog returns to his own vomit

ArchPundit September 8, 2004 2 Comments

Courtesy of the Good folks at the Illinois Family Institute. Chillinois has the deal.

Hey, run that guy for office!

In Other McLean County News

ArchPundit September 7, 2004 No Comments

It appears Lee Newcom is worried about the Good Ambassador.

?As a downstate ballot candidate I am very concerned about Keyes performance so far,? said Lee Newcom, McLean County Recorder nominee and immediate past-president of the conservative United Republican Fund. ?If he doesn’t get himself under control real quick he will hurt a lot of us.?

One can only hope–Newcome’s a moron who used to tell high school GOP groups that they were great because they could do dirty tricks and not be held accountable.

It’s also worth noting that both Bloomington and Normal have anti-discrimination ordinances–in fact, Bloomington threw Jesse Smart out of office as Mayor for a nationally embarrassing effort on Oprah decrying the bill. For two towns next to each other, they are remarkably different, but both are still conservative, but the kind of rhetoric Keyes uses won’t play there. I’m already betting Newcome goes down anyway given the Republicans I know who are not fans of the guy.