From the inbox I was alerted to Maya Keyes’ girlfriend complaining about the coverage and the blogs that broke the story in particular. While credit to the find goes to Modern Vertebrate and then Chillinois, I certainly don’t deny my choice in being a relatively early poster on the story and I’d still do that.
But what I find in comments at Chillinois adds to the story:
Of course, there are still many religious-based colleges where antigay policies are still very much in effect. One such school, Messiah College in Grantham, Pa., was founded by the evangelical Brethren in Christ. Bria Grace, 19, an out lesbian sophomore at Messiah, says the school makes no secret of its antigay stance. ?If you are found to be in a gay or lesbian relationship, you must seek counseling,? she says. ?You have to recognize that what you did was wrong.?
Now, does that absolve me of any decisions? What if Bria Grace hadn’t been out? As a note, I wouldn’t mention her name other than it is in a news article. Thinking back, I may well have blurred a picture if I had put it up myself, but that is in retrospect.
Given the situation, I think appearing in an article in the Advocate takes away any claim to privacy on that specific issue. That doesn’t answer the abstract issue of what about those who have no real role in the story other than being, for a better phrase, collateral damage.
It would be truly unfortunate. But I think that is the case in many stories that are pursued. Gary Hart’s wife was certainly an innocent bystander, but when Gary Hart challenged the press, it was a legitimate story. Jack Ryan’s son faces some embarrasment as he grows older. But ultimately, the responsibility for those misfortunes rest on those taking the actions. Jack Ryan covered up his life, lied to the public and the party. The big deal was the lying, with conduct that was strange—Jack tried to hide public documents. Bria Grace is a victim of her mother, but ultimately, that may or may not have occurred in the context of the information being highlighted in discussing the views of a man who seems to suggest that Grace’s mother is correct in her behavior and upbraids others for their tolerance of gay and lesbian children and wants to be the next US Senator from Illinois.
As we know now, Alan Keyes is a joke, but unfortunately, Alan Keyes is only a joke because he is so bizarre in his behavior. Patrick O’Malley wants to be the next Governor of Illinois and is just as reactionary as Keyes, but slightly more palatable because of his demeanor.
I won’t out people on this blog and I’ll try and avoid ‘incidentally’ outing people in circumstances like this. But the second category is impossible to avoid in some circumstances.
Now, let me chide the Illinois press for one moment. Alan Keyes has all of a sudden found his family off limits when he didn’t find Dick Cheney’s family off limits. But let’s not forget, Alan Keyes thought John McCain’s and George Bush’s daughters were not off limits in 2000
In this election cycle, candidates who oppose abortion are being asked how they would respond if their teen-age daughters got pregnant. McCain’s initial answer was that his 15-year-old would make the “final decision.” But upon more thought, he said it would be a “family decision.” But this response reveals, as Keyes observed, that even someone with a 20-year pro-life voting record may not really embrace the position he propounds.
A truly pro-life candidate would respond as follows: “If, G-d forbid, my daughter were to become pregnant, we would let her know that we were disappointed in her (unless, of course, the pregnancy were the result of rape). We would also tell her that we will protect, love and support her throughout her pregnancy, and would expect that when the child is born, we will, as a family, make an adoption plan for the baby.”
I admit there’s deep, deep irony in the above, but he felt the personal situations of the McCain and Bush families were relevant. Why isn’t the Keyes’ family relevant?
I feel bad that Maya Keyes is undergoing a lot of stress and that her friends may as well. But I’ll be damned if I’ll sit by and let that hypocritical bastard Alan Keyes exploit the politics of personal destruction and then whine about it when the same treatment is given to him.
He’s toxic to politics and he was brought in to be toxic to Barack Obama. But when that toxicity hits him, he wants to run away. Tough shit.
I feel sorry for Bria, but she’s unfortunately learned what most of us with a blog has had to learn – just because you think only 5 people know about it, you still aren’t private.
Her situation at home seems truly untenable, and I do think her mother sucks. However, Xanga, I believe, gave her the option to make her posts private or friends only. On my livejournal, I use those tools constantly – if I talk abot work, I make it friends only. If I’m talking about something I don’t want my family to see, I make it friends only. I don’t have an expectation of privacy, because its the damn internet, after all.
Agreed, Gail however Bria is not involved at all with the Keyes campaign – she just happens to be Maya’s girlfriend and I do think we bloggers have some responsibility to bring her story to light with respect to what this attention as gotten her. She’s had a hard life and through self-admission points out some serious emotional issues. I don’t want to see her become a statistic and hope that the Blog and GLBT community will rally behind her and help.
I only wish we could hear from Maya as to why she is working for her father. If it’s simply because he threatens to cut her off financially including college, I’d like to think that if THAT got out there….the same communities that should be rallying around Bria would give the same support to Maya.
I do really feel for the two girls. I think Maya campaigns for her Dad because she loves him, and wants to be accepted. I felt so sad reading her blog entries, and so very, very pissed off at Keyes.
Another thing to note is that Bria and Maya weren’t posting about anything shameful at all. They had typical sweet 19 year old blogs. They were even interesting, without the whole “Keyes’ daughter is gay” angle. Bloggers drew attention to what they were posting, but its their completely screwed up families that are the real problem here. If they had decent, loving families, it wouldn’t be anything beyond minor embarressment.
I think Gail’s point is important–they aren’t doing anything wrong and that’s part of the challenge to dealing with privacy issues. How do you deal with them without making it seem that there is something wrong with being gay, but also understanding the context.
I agree with AP that Maya and her girlfriend are “collateral damage” — much like (e.g.) the families of other people in the news become public figures. Let’s be very, very clear whose actions made the story relevant: her father’s.
Let’s also be clear that this story is no longer just about politics. Maya’s blog clearly describes the consequences of anti-gay political rhetoric on young people who are gay. It’s not just Maya; her blog describes the plight of her friends who are also rejected by their parents. To me, giving a human face to the consequences of anti-gay rhetoric is far more important than the politics of the story.
I posted this over @ Chillinois this morning but I’ll put it here too…
“Vale… since Mark and Bria are already commenting I guess I don’t have to be quiet anymore. I thought that maybe as someone who knows Maya (and has for years and years) I would shut up and not draw any more attention to this, pero whatever; there’s already so much talk that I feel compelled to clear up SOMETHING.
When all this started, Maya was incredibly conflicted over whether to go to Chicago or go to school. Her decision to go out to Chicago with her father was ENTIRELY for the purpose of being moral support. He was alone out there without his family and she thought it would cheer him up if she came out there.
Honestly, chicos, what chance on earth does he have of winning? She isn’t helping elect someone who will implement anti-queer policies because he’s not going to win. She just wanted to let him know he was loved. Not that she agrees with him or supports his politics (you should hear some of their dinner-table arguments), just that she’s there for him.
Knowing Mol, she’ll have something to say about it herself, in good time. But I had to say that much.”
I will add here that Mol, while upset about the turn this all has taken, and while wishing that this wasn’t splashed all over such high-profile places, has NOT gotten angry about all this or said that any of the bloggers who posted it were out of line. I’ve been listening to lots of “How dare she get mad when this was already on her blog” etc. but since nobody has had a chance to talk to her nobody can say how SHE feels or what she’s even saying about this all. In her there hasn’t been a trace of the venom or anger that people are hypothetically ascribing to her, or that people are directing towards her. She’s hurt, and conflicted, and worried about the impact on her family life; but not angry.
When she gets a chance, I know she’ll have a lot to say. Right now she’s trying to balance not hurting her family with speaking up for what she (quite passionately) believes.
Vasyl has cut to the heart of the point, I think. It’s unfortunate that other people are getting hurt by this, but the story, other than a rather banal bit of hypocritical cowardice on Keyes’ part not being able to take the level of scandal he throws out, the story is that being anti-gay hurts people.
Now you can choose to believe that your rejection of them is obedience to god’s will, you can choose to believe that by being hurtful to them here and now that you’re trying to change the quality of their after-death existance. You can choose to believe that being anti-gay will prevent other people from being gay.
But the fact, the plain, obvious, immanent fact is that being anti-gay hurts gay people. And that might seem fine when there’s no whisper of the pink elephant in the room. When noone you know or love is gay it may not be as obvious that you’re hurting people. But that’s the long and short of it. You’re hurting people.
In some cases you’re hurting your sons and daughters.
That’s the story. Being anti-gay hurts your loved ones. Here and Now.
Just a quick note on an earlier post and “why Maya is helping her father” — it seems to me that Maya is doing the right thing and being supportive of her father. Blood is thicker than politics. There’s no need to read into that.
What’s really disturbing is that for Alan Keyes, politics is thicker than blood. Knowing long before his campaign started that his daughter is gay and making an issue of it anyway — the situation was ripe for disaster from the very beginning. What would have been the harm in leaving that issue alone if for no other reason than to protect his daughter? Most parents would give their own lives to protect their child’s — certainly Keyes could find the self-control to leave this one issue alone during this incredibly public campaign, in spite of himself, to protect his daughter. What gives?
As usual, Danny has said exactly what I wanted to say, only more eloquently. I’ve known Maya for 5 years. She was the person who got me on xanga. And never once did she try to convince me that I could have 100% privacy. And when all of this came out? She never got mad about it. She realized that she had put it on the internet and that it was never going to be completely private.