Some Helpful Supporters For Keyes

Roger Schlafly’s blog is indeed quite remarkable. My blood pressure dropped to normal once I realised it was a parody of a right-wing blog (around the bit where he clumsily implies that all non-english speakers are dumb).

THE PET ROCK

By Peter Fredson

A merchandising scheme, more like a spoof, to sell small rocks, once swept the United States. A shiny, colorful and polished rock was glued onto some background with an accompanying pamphlet of instructions to care for ?Your Pet Rock?. It was often sent to a friend as a droll way to show affection or friendship.
The idea of selling Pet Rocks originated in California in 1975 with salesman, Gary Dahl. The idea soon spread to the rest of the country. This ?pet? gave its owner some pleasure but required no care, food, water or attention.
Dahl decided to create a novelty Pet Rock. In a builder’s supply store in San Jose he found a Rosarita Beach Stone, a uniform size, rounded gray pebble that sold for a penny. He packaged the stone in excelsior in a gift box shaped like a pet carrying case, accompanied by an instruction book.
Dahl spent two weeks writing the ?Pet Rock Training Manual? – a guide to a happy relationship with a rock, including instructions to make it roll over and play dead and how to house train it. “Place it on some old newspapers. The rock will never know what the paper is for and will require no further instruction.’
By Christmas he had sold two and a half tons of rocks, and most of the daily newspapers had run Pet Rock stories, including Dahl’s spoof revelations about how each rock was individually tested for obedience at Rosarita Beach in Baja, Mexico, before being selected and boxed. A million rocks sold for $3.95 apiece. Gary Dahl – who decided to make at least one dollar from every rock – became an instant millionaire.
Copycat rocks flooded the market, including some cleverly marketed as “the Original Pet Rock.” Quick-buck entrepreneurs joined the action selling Pet Rock Obedience Lessons and Pet Rock Burial-at-Sea Services. After Christmas 1975, Gary Dahl relabeled his leftover Pet Rocks as Valentine’s Day gifts for loved ones in need of a low-maintenance pet. The Pet Rock soon became last year’s fad. Tons of ?Pet Rocks? littered desk drawers, or were thrown out into the garden.
You can read the history by going to this
http://www.virtualpet.com/vp/farm/petrock/petrock.htm
Thus we have witnessed the rise and fall of fads, like the Hula Hoop, the Helicopter Beanie, the Lindy Hop, along with Dahl?s Pet Rock.
The fad never totally died. There is still a web site titled, Pet Rock Sanitarium, for you to put your pet rock in.
The Pet Rock recently made a surprising resurgence by an Alabama Judge, called Roy Moore. Like Dahl, Moore is a showman, ever alert to sell his product to the gullible public. He has parlayed the idea of his rock into enough prestige that he will probably become State Senator (and, miracle!) indeed, even President of the United States.
His rock has attracted National attention, while his instructions and explanations concerning his rock resemble the spoof perpetrated by Gary Dahl.
Mr. Moore, first made a model of his rock out of wood. This proved so popular among the superstitious dwellers of benighted Alabama that he was elected to the prestigious post of Supreme Court Judge of Alabama. He then personally designed a 5,300 pound pet rock and six months after taking office in January 2001.put it in the rotunda of the Alabama Judicial Building, using stealth and misdirection. He refused to remove the 5,300-pound Ten Commandments monument he put in the rotunda of the Alabama Judicial Building. Mr. Moore was suspended without pay, and then removed from the bench on Nov. 13, 2003.
But don?t weep for Mr. Moore. He is heavily supported by enthusiasts of pet rocks, is a frequent speaker at pet rock meetings, appears on national television programs, and will probably achieve higher office by constantly reminding people of his affection for his pet rock.
Copycats of Moore abounded, attempting to put pet rocks into court-houses and state capitols nation-wide. Republican senators adopted Moore?s Pet Rock and passed resolutions concerning their admiration for it, and it will probably become an Election Issue. Avid supporters knelt before the rock, weeping, praying, and shouting religious slogans of affection for the rocks. Busloads of pet rock admirers came from surrounding states to gaze at the rock and put up placards voicing their affection for the rock. Itinerant preachers roamed the site, shouting, prancing and evangelizing. They all brought their Bibles and thumped them frequently. Even the President of the United States declared that he had an affection for the pet rock.
Yes, everybody seemed to want one. They demanded one in each school room, in each legislature hall, conference room, and in every place where any local, state or federal government employee works. They wanted one hanging from their key chain, their rear view mirror, and on their front porch. They wanted one in the Oval Office, and it appears that the President himself could easily be persuaded to put one in each room of the White House. Certainly every senator should have one, and why not give one to every employee?
The craze is sweeping the fundamentalist crowd to order pet rocks by the score, by the hundred, by the thousand. Print shops are asked to turn out pretty copies, in multi-color, with fancy calligraphy, on high-speed presses to meet the demand. Large copies are made to post on front yards, to remind passersby of the wonderful effect of having a rock in your yard. Every prison cell should have one hanging above each bunk. Each prisoner on death row should have one in a shirt pocket to take with him.
Condoms will be printed with pictures of the rock to remind people of the grim task of reproduction. Dinner plates will be lithographed with instructions on the rock to edify their dinner discourse. License plates will have pictures of the rock, and anyone who drives with such a plate will be given a ?get-out-of-jail-free? permit. Baby diapers will have the rock on each tender behind.
In short, the pet rock resurgence has utterly dazzled the nation into demanding more and more copies, until finally the market is saturated. And, then what?
Perhaps a sacred kneeling pad, similar to the pad that Bill Clinton used with good effect, so that people can kneel 5 or 6 times a day and think of their pet rock?
Or perhaps a kind of ?whoopee? cushion, that instead of emitting fart-like sounds, will murmur ?Hallelujah? at intervals. We could call it the ?Pet Cushion? and write an instruction manual for its care and maintenance.
So here?s to Pet Rocks and other spoofs. They all have a shelf-life, a fad-index, and will fade away. Meanwhile they have furnished us with some amusement to while away otherwise unproductive moments and we will rest secure in the knowledge that another will come along tomorrow to beguile the gullible and enrich the inventor. Hail!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I have been searching for a pet rock for my friend’s birthday for WEEKS if you know where I can find one please email me at le0chick726@hotmail.com